Class writing

Coming to Loyola, or coming to America, I used to carry the excitement and proudness as I went to high school here. However, years passed, what I carried was no longer pen and pencil, but laptop and iPad, transitioning from casual writing of things, to too much work that cannot be done by pencil alone.

Now with my laptop, I carry my ideal. I am no longer carrying naïve like high school, instead, I carry the heart of conquer, with my brain, my body and my time, and the pride that I carry, to do the best in everything. I carry no trust, sympathy and compassion for those who step in my way, because me and my ideal of a better world for all cannot be vanished.

 Also, there are things that I have to carry, such as politeness, friendliness and business, people could be friends, but many people just be just mere work.

Second writing

I think America is the worst place to be for a non white person, people of color got discriminated all the time, both societal and institutional, it almost become a way of life. As an Asian living in America, nothing more special, discriminated just like others. However, owning two brands and made lots of money, I would say it is worth it.

The things we carried to Loyola

Coming to Loyola I carried the weight of moving on, the new beginning a fresh start. Walking through the doors of Loyola with my 1920's Loreé inside its new ProTec case with all my music, reeds, knives, and goals. Meeting for the first time the oboe instructor, Jane Gabka, was like always a completely different experience every lesson. Along with her was her carry bag that housed a double top joint case, knives, leather strop, music books, technique books, a reed case that held 50 reeds in all, and her syllabus for me being that I was the only new student in her studio. Her bag weighing at about ten pounds, she placed it gently on the floor. And so it began, my new start to my new school.

Jane Gabka born and raised in Chicago, IL was a miracle worker as told by the rest of the studio. She can fix any of your problems in seconds and also teach you at the same time how to fix your problems. Reed issues, instrument adjustments, or simple just to choose music she has solution just for you. She will not baby you, she will push you to your limits, push you over the edge, and then bring you back. What a surprise I was in for in my next few years here at Loyola.

The studios expectations for the new student was high. Doc talked so much about this new student that he was so amazing that he would be first chair in the orchestra right away, he had a phenomenal audition, and a great tone. The day of chair placement came fast as the entire studio went to audition for placement out of five students, the new student came out last on the list. Shocking to Doc and the oboe instructor, no one would have thought this would be the outcome.

With the past behind, and the future ahead little did I know that the studio consisting of another guy and three girls would become my new family away from home. Moving on is hard but with a like family them things that seemed impossible become very possible because no matter what happens they will always be there for me.

In-class assignment "The Things We Carried"

            We walked and walked. We kept walking. Up, down, over and across we walked to get to the top. We all had our essentials: two change of clothes, plate, bowl, cup, fork and spoon. We had our towels and our sleeping bags. We had to keep walking nobody could be left behind. Even when our legs could barely move and the sun was scorching our skin, we had to keep walking. We even had to keep walking past the fear of getting lost and the terrors that use to hide under our beds at night. We carried our water, if you ran out you had to wait for the river to get more. We carried our lunch each day. Nothing special, can tuna, crackers, granola bar and a lukewarm juice box. We had to eat. No but’s, if’s or wont’s. Can’t start walking until you finish eating and the later you start the later you arrive to camp. And if it got too dark we’d carry the mosquitos as well. We couldn’t shower, if we wanted to clean ourselves we had to bathe in the river. When the temperature dropped that high up a mountain it really drops. The water cause physical pain but the idea of sleeping after sweating so much hurt even more. I wasn’t even supposed to go in the first place.

O'Brien

Tim O’Brien is an amazing writer. He uses amazing details such as talking about the weight of everything they carried in the first chapter and their personal items they carry that individualize them. This creates great character development. He carries the character development throughout the book dedicating a chapter to specifically talk about one of his comrades such “The Dentist” where he talks about how Rat is terrified of the dentist and yet makes him pull out a tooth to prove something even though no one else cares. Also in the chapter “Stockings” where O’Brien tells Henry Dobbins story about carrying a pair of his girlfriend’s stockings that are magic and save him from death. In the chapter “Sweetheart of the Song Tra Bong” Tim tells a story that Rat tells him about a girl Martha who came to visit her boyfriend Mark while he’s at war. Even though this story is not possible, the way O’Brien writes this it makes you root for it to be true. It also is a way to show how the soldiers that start of innocent and jaded completely change and become different due to the war. Some even get bored with the peace and want war which is a theme he brings in multiple times in the story.

The Things I Carried (assignment)

I moved to the United States six years ago. My home country is Bangladesh. I was born in the capital city name Dhaka and lived there for fourteen years. I never wanted to leave. It was my home. It is my home. My family, friends, and everyone that I am close to still live there. When it was final that my family and me were moving to the United States, I did not know what to carry with me. There were so many things I wanted to carry. I wanted to carry my whole country here. I wanted to carry my home to the United States of America. Instead, I carried the depression of losing my friends. I carried the fear of speaking correct English. I carried the fear of not seeing HIM anymore. I carried jealousy of the people who wasn’t going through the things that I was. I carried the fear of not adjusting. I carried the constant remembrance of home, the madness of going back to where I belong. I carried my old storybooks with me, my ipod classic, my old shattered leather bag filled with crap that I didn’t even need. I carried sadness, frustration of not belonging where I have to live from now on. I carried clothes, perfumes, my favorite ring that my grandma gave me the last time she saw. But now she is dead. I miss her a lot. I carried her memories with me. I carried my mother’s sadness, my brother’s constant questioning about everything, and my father’s American Dream. I carried the guilt of lying to HIM, I carried my heartbreak and did not say anything about it. I carried Goosebumps, nervousness, and tears. I carried my uncertain life, while everyone was leading his or her normal ones. I carried my dream of a successful life.

Themes in O'Brien's Writing

Ever since I read "How to Tell a True War Story" by Tim O'Brien I immediately fell in love with his themes and writing techniques. To start, I really enjoy his use of dark humor. When he describes Kurt Lemon stepping into the light and his body parts being blown into a tree and calls it a "Lemon" tree I was really interested in more of his work. I'm not in any way saying that body parts being blown into a tree is humorous, but the way O'Brien uses dark humor to describe the event is brilliant. I was particularly interested in this technique because usually when I read war stories there is absolutely no humor. Because most people are too scared to joke about things that happen in the war. But O'Brien is definitely not afraid to go that far and I love his individuality. O'Brien also uses the theme of embarrassment being a reason to go to war. He talks about this in "On a Rainy River". He states, "I couldn't ensure the mockery, or the disgrace, or the patriotic ridicule...It had nothing to do with morality. Embarrassment, that's all it was...I would go to the war...I would kill and maybe die...because I was embarassed not to"(O'Brien 57). It is one of my favorite passages of the text because I can really relate to it. I never realized how many things I actually did or accomplished because I was too embarassed not to. Another obvious them is in "The Things They Carried". O'Brien uses the theme of the emotional burdens and physical things people carry. He talks about the weight of particular things people carry such as M&M's and a picture of a loved one and also talks about intangible things they carry such as guilt and fear. It's a really interesting contrast and sparked my creative writing interests.

Themes & O'Brien

O’Brien has a very particular and unique writing style. His book is more than just about war. It is an expose on the reality of human behavior and way of thinking during wartime. O’Brien presents many different themes but some that stick out the most are emotional hardship and shame. In his story The Things They carried O’Brien explains all the physical things a soldier carries to be ready for war. Like O’Brien mentions “the things they carried were largely determined by necessity. Among them were P-38 can openers, pocket knives, heat tabs, wristwatches, dog tags, mosquito repellent, chewing gum, candy, cigarettes…” and many other things a soldier would need. All these items placed a physical burden on the soldier but O’Brien also tells us all the emotional burned the soldier’s carry with them as well, “Some carried phosphorous grenades. They carried all they could bear, and then some, including a silent awe for the terrible power of the things they carried”. Soldiers can cause great harm in combat, they kill in order to survive and no matter how well trained a soldier is taking a life takes a toll on any man. “Henry Dobbins carried his girlfriends pantyhose wrapped around his neck as a comforter. They all carried ghost”. Ghost of friends who have died in combat, ghost of terrible things they might have done to survive the war. Shame is also a powerful theme in O’Brien’s writing in his story On The Rainy River O’Brien explores shame and embarrassment as the driving force that compelled him to go to war. O’Brien was about to make a break for Canada to avoid the draft but he was afraid. “I was afraid of walking away from my own life, my friends and my family, my whole history, everything that mattered to me. I feared loosing the respect of my parents. I feared the law. I feared ridicule and censure.” I could not possibly imagine the feeling of loosing your parent’s respect but O’Brien did and he goes to war to prove other wise. He was pushed into this war that he did not believe in because he feared shame and embarrassment if he did not serve. “… The conversation zeroing in on the young O’Brien kid, how the dammed sissy had taken off for Canada”. This fear is a powerful motivator and is one of the many reasons soldiers go to war the fear of becoming an outcast, being called a "pussy".    

Addictive War

One theme that O’Brien writes about is how war can just consume man or woman. There are a couple examples of this one being in the story Spin about the guy who went AWOL and started hooking up with one of the Red Cross nurses. He has everything a guy could ask for a woman who was in love with him get him anything he needs or wants, but it is not enough for the soldier. So he hops on a bird and is with the boys in the bush. It just goes to show you how addictive war really is. He was an addict just needing to get his fix. Another example this time a woman named Mary Anne Bell in the story Sweetheart of the Song Tra Bong. She was an overly exaggerated girly girl, in pink sweater and bubbly personality. But she soon transforms into the war and jungle itself. It starts off with her just being curious and helping out in the aid station getting her hands bloody. It soon escalates to wanting to get off the COP and go into the villages to see how the natives live. Then she moves on to going on patrol with the Special Forces guys and becoming a ghost among the war, the war completely takes her over. She even leaves her fiancé and denies his request for her to leave Vietnam. She becomes war wearing a tongue necklace and even goes as far as telling Mark Fossie that he did not belong there. These two stories show how some people who go to war and up needing it. They can not live a normal life without it, the constant being on guard and always having a mission to complete and the adrenaline rush of combat is addictive as any drug and O’Brien portrays it in these stories

To Tell The Truth, The Whole Truth, & Nothing But The Truth

It’s not true unless it feels true. Telling the truth is a major theme that plays a central role in The Things They Carried. Even though half the things that are told in this novel are false, there is still a certain realness to the stories being told. For instance, in the “Sweetheart of the Song Tra Bong”, fiction and fact are twisted together until they merge into one. The story can be perceived as either entirely true or completely fabricated.

However, when reading it, the story possesses a chilling feeling that leaves the reader’s blood run cold—it’s almost ghost-like. It reminds me of old folklore or ghost stories that people share around a campfire. It can’t possibly be true and yet, you can’t help but wonder. I really like Rat Kiley’s approach to storytelling. It is the most realistic approach as well. For example, when telling s story to a group of friends who haven’t witnessed or experienced what you have, you tend to exaggerate and focus on little details. You want your audience to experience the same feeling you had whether it is excitement or fear.  But, sometimes, it’s hard to tell stories as truthful and some stories just can’t be told—it’s just a “ you have to be there” story. This explains why Kiley was frustrated in telling his story because he wanted to get the words right, the tone right, the eerie mood he experienced right. I don’t really agree with Sanders saying that Kiley ruined the tone of his story. Telling a story verbally is different than writing out a story. If you happen to omit a detail, you can go back and type it in but verbal storytelling tends to be inconsistent and whimsical. You want to tell the truth as much as possible but still attain the same sensation.

As a whole, telling the truth is difficult. One of my favorite quotes that best summarizes this is “A thing may happen and be a total lie; another thing may not happen and be truer than the truth.” (80). Truth, in its entirety, is just an illusion. What seems to happen and what actually happens just blends into a cloud of obscurity. 

Writing assignment

I’m choosing to share the two passages I wrote in class the other day during the creative writing assignment.

The Things I carried:

                I carried the proverbial world on my shoulders.

                I carried the weight of a country. Its gratitude and its hatred. It was a hell of a weight keeping up with the expectations of both. I carried the responsibility for eight human lives and the families they left behind; wives, children, and parents. I carried the knowledge that my best years were behind me and they weren’t coming back. Mostly I carried the weight of knowing that nobody cared about the weight I carried.

                These things I couldn’t help but carry.

The end is not what you expect:

                People who travel for fun and people who travel for war.

People who travel for fun stay at youth hostels, wait in lines to see landmarks, drink in local bars, and pretend to be local. They seek to be someone who they are not. They learn what they think they should know, they come away with a sense of foreign culture and feel good about it. People who travel for fun feel the need to have conversations with other travelers. They want to know the smallest, most intimate details of a place, yet rarely find it.

                Those who travel for war actually find it. They see the inside of houses, the private places, the markets in the slums, the gutter, the filth, the trash, the palaces, and the countryside. Not only do they see the sights of a place but they see the insides of friends, the ugly parts of humankind, the unfairness of life. They see what people who have never met will do to each other. They know what burning flesh smells like. They know what innocence looks like. They know the sneer of two faced hatred. At the end of the day they either accept it or go nuts.

                The goodtime travelers...they’re scared of the places they want to see the most. So, they do what they do best and ask the hard time traveler...if they meet them.

                The hard time traveler indulges them, to a point. They don't want to relive it or care to think about it. So what happens? He says it sucks, smells like shit, and spouts some racist nonsense he may or may not actually believe. He leaves it at that. The good time traveler never asks again, they're embarrassed they ever met the brute.

                Who’s really the asshole?

               

Shame and Embarrassment in The Things They Carried

A common theme of the short stories in The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brian is shame and embarrassment. In “On The Rainy River” O’Brian talks about when he was drafted into the Vietnam War. He explains that he thought it was a mistake-he was “too good” to go off and fight. He was desperate to get out of it, ultimately deciding he would flee the country. After a soul-searching trip to the northern tip of America, just a boat ride away from the Canadian border, he decides to go to the war. He explains in the story, “I would go to the war-I would kill and maybe die-because I was embarrassed not to”. O’Brian was so close to abandoning his country and fleeing, but he was scared of the repercussions. He did not want to be viewed as a traitor. His embarrassment from the possibility of him being mocked was his sole motivation for joining the army. Another example of embarrassment and shame in The Things They Carried can be seen in “The Dentist”. Curt Lemon is described as someone who contains a false tough-guy appearance and will do crazy stunts just to look macho. After fainting when a dentist comes to visit the soldiers, Lemon has trouble dealing with looking weak. O’Brian writes, “The embarrassment must have turned a screw in his head”. Lemon decides to cope with his shame by making up a story about a toothache, and insisting that the dentist remove a perfectly good tooth. However, this eases Lemon’s anxiety about his image. The idea of looking inadequate served as motivation for the character. As humans, we are constantly making decisions in order to preserve our confidence and self-image. We would rather endure pain or discomfort in order to avoid embarrassment, ultimately caring too much about what others think. This can sometimes lead us into dangerous situations, but as long as it will protect our image to the people around us, we convince ourselves that our actions are worth it. 

Subsets

O'Brien touches upon countless themes in The Things They Carried: the guilt of killing a man, embarrassment being a motivating force, the awe and horror of war, etc. He comments upon what makes a story true or not, what makes a story a story at all, and all the different ways to tell and retell a story. As I continue reading I'm more and more impressed and blown away by how he connects the different threads and characters, and that's what I want to discuss: this is not  a collection of short stories. I highly doubt he wrote them as individual stories. This book is one story, meant to be read cover to cover, all the way through. To accomplish this continuity, O'Brien constantly blends stories and refers to events in other chapters (often times future chapters) while discussing what's happening.
He starts this web-story telling from the very beginning. On page two, as he's listing the literal things soldiers carry, he mentions... "Ted Lavender, who was scared, carried tranquilizers until he was shot in the head..." and then continues on. It's relatively non chalant, but brutal and...there. He mentions Lavender's death again on page 3, then on page 6, and page 7, then we finally get the recounting of his death pages later. All the while, we just heard blunt hints and statements.
But we're not done with Lavender. We never really are, no one ever really is, regardless if he's alive or not. In a separate story, Spin, O'Brien is recounting some of the...relatively nicer moments of fighting a war. He mentions Lavender. If you tried to read Spin by itself, the reference wouldn't make any sense. The emotional impact of things build and build with the more you know. The more you know of the situation and the characters, the harder it hits you. That's why these aren't short stories, more of a way for O'Brien to organize his thoughts and experiences. It's incredible.

A Story Never Told

Guilt is a huge theme in O'Brien's novel. Almost every one of his stories deals with guilt as a motivating factor, time-stopping demon, etc. We are first really introduced to guilt in "On the Rainy River". O'Brien receives his draft notice and contemplates going to Canada. But as he is just a few feet away from the Canadian border on a small boat, the guilt of abandoning his duty, coupled with his visions of everyone he knows staring at him and expecting him not to abandon his country, stops him. He says, "All those eyes on me- the town, the whole universe- and I couldn't risk the embarrassment... And right then I submitted" (57). O'Brien was both guilted by the expectations of his hometown (and of figures in American history like Abraham Lincoln and LBJ) and his own feelings of guilt. Just a young man, O'Brien had to struggle with having to abandon his dreams momentarily to fight a war he didn't believe in.

Another chapter focused on guilt is "The Man I Killed". O'Brien kills a Vietnamese soldier who popped up in front of his platoon. Immediately struck with guilt of having killed this man, O'Brien's guilt creates an intriguing chapter. This scene, in real life, took only a matter of minutes, but O'Brien spins out this tale. He tells us of the man's life before he became a soldier, his dreams and aspirations. He characterizes this man and gives him a back story as well as he does for the men in his platoon. O'Brien focuses on the smallest details of the dead man like where his shoes lie on the ground and the "star-shaped hole" where one of his eyes used to be. As Kiowa talks to O'Brien and attempts to calm him, O'Brien's writing gets more in depth. What started as a star-shaped hole now morphs into a larger description. "The star-shaped hole was red and yellow. The yellow part seemed to be getting wider, spreading out at the center of the star" (120). O'Brien's guilt drives him to identify the smallest features of the dead man. He makes the man out to be a man he's known all his life. The guilt of taking another man's life was nothing O'Brien could have prepared for. When it happens, it consumes him and he turns inward to reflect on what the man could have become. In a sense it is a fear O'Brien (and probably every man in the war) has. If they die, their story will never be told.

The Man I Killed Chapter

One of the chapters in The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien that stood out while I was reading was The Man I Killed. One of the things I found to be amazing was the vividness of the description of the aftermath of the kill. This event has been etched into his mind permanently. Him standing over his kill and seeing what he has done really resonates in his head to the point where he has to stop the unit and think. His friend Kiowa even tells him that he needs some “mental R and R”.  He also wants O’Brien to talk about it but he is so lost for words that he can’t. These kind of events are what leads people to PTSD, especially someone who was drafted into service and probably had no idea that they would kill someone in such a gruesome manner. He thinks about it to the point where he actually comes up with a story about what the soldier’s life might have been like. He sees this soldier in a similar light to himself in the sense that both of them served to not be ridiculed in their hometowns. I think that he comes up with this as a way to cope with what he just did. He knows that it could be him laying there in the path dead and bloody. Personally, I can’t imagine the variety of thoughts that raced through O’Brien’s head afterward. This memory of what he did will last with him forever and since he sees this image so often he is able to form such a vivid description of the event in this chapter.         

The Things I Carried

                   My home country is Vietnam. I had lived there for 18 years. After my father died, my mother decided that we would move to the US since all of her extended family is already there. It was just that. I had to leave. I had to leave my little cozy house. I had to leave my garden full of my favorite fruits and vegetables. I had to leave my flowerbed full of hydrangeas, hibiscuses, and daisies. I had to leave my friends…

            Eighteen years of experiences and memories had to packed into two small suitcases. I had to choose what needed to be left behind. I carried with me my high school uniform. It is not like any other uniform that most of you have seen. It is called “Ao Dai”. It is a white, form-fitting elegant dress that all girls have to wear when they enter high school. I carried it to remind me of the friends, the teachers, and the memories that I had in high school. I carried the sadness of the girl who had to leave everything behind: her hometown, her neighbors, her flowers… I carried my photo albums, my passport, some clothing. I carried my books. Books were my other friends, the friends that I could carried with me whenever I go. I carried the unweighed fear of one coming into a new country with different cultural values. I carried the fear of one who did not know how to speak English. Would I be able to communicate? Would I be able to do well in school? Would I be able to make new friends? Those questions were always there, taunting. However, I also carried the determination to thrive, to excel, to be the best that I can be. I carried hope. They helped.

            Now I have been able to speak English. I have jobs and I’ll graduate from college with a summa cum laude in a few months.  I have also become a US citizen. However, I will always carry my hometown with me. Vietnam will always be in my heart. Its values, beauty and the experiences that I had over there are what make me the person that I am today…

Below is a link for those who want to know more about the Ao Dai.

Vietnam Traditional Dress, Ao Dai
 

Magic Stockings

"Henry Dobbins was a good man and a superb soldier." This is how "Stockings" starts. Henry Dobbins is a soldier that O'Brien is with in his platoon. He wears his girlfriend's stockings tied around his neck when he goes into battle or feels the need for the comfort that they provide. It is interesting how superstition plays a role in our lives. Some people are more superstitious than others but everyone seems to have little habits that they do throughout there lives. O'Brien talks about how Dobbins at night will sleep with the stocking wrapped around his face like a baby, and while O'Brien is writing this you can almost hear the envy in his voice. O'Brien says "They were like body armor, he thought."He envies the magic that comes from the stockings and the mental and spiritual protection that they provide. I feel like most soldiers have some kind of trinket that they use to give them comfort when they need it. I liked the stockings story because the whole platoon feels the effect of the stockings and when Dobbins girlfriend breaks up with him he says "No Sweat, the magic doesn't go away." The importance of this chapter may be understated compared to the other "heavier" chapters of the book. But the significance of this small chapter cannot be ignored. It provides soldiers with hope and ties them to a good feeling back home that can be crucial in a time when they need encouragement and inspiration. Henry Dobbins a good man and superb soldier is portrayed as a normal man who brings a lot to his platoon and fellow soldiers. And this chapter though short is one of the most important ones in the whole book.

O'Brien Theme

            In The Things They Carried, there are numerous themes that O’Brien writes about. The theme that stuck out the most to me was the fear of shame used as motivation. O’Brien is fearful of the war and he reveals this to his audience in his story “On The Rainy River”.  Most soldiers go to war because of their patriotism, but not O’Brien.  He flees to Canada for a couple of days, but returns to United States to go to Vietnam because he is afraid of the ridicule that would come from his family and his community. “I feared the war, yes, but I also feared exile” (42). O’Brien blames his community for making him go to the war. “ I detested their blind, thoughtless, automatic acquiescence to it all, their simpleminded patriotism, their prideful ignorance, how they were sending me off to fight a war they didn’t understand and didn’t want to understand. I held them responsible.” O’Brien goes to the war because of the shame that would come about if he didn’t go. Shame does not only affect O’Brien, but also his fellow soldiers. For example, in the story, “The Dentist” Curt Lemon is afraid of the dentist and faints when he goes in to see him. He decides to get his tooth pulled just because he feels like he owes it to himself in order to fit back into the group again. There is nothing wrong with his tooth, but he gets it pulled so he can face his fear and get respect back from the group. This makes his shame disappear and allows him to feel comfortable with the group again. Throughout the novel so far, shame has been a huge factor in how the soldiers go about their business. Shame seems to get them to do missions that they would ordinarily not do.

Spin

Like all other writings of Tim O’Brien, “The Things They Carried” was also composed of elements like jumping in time, the disorganization and the feeling of randomness, made the entire story slightly disconnected. However, these are again from the memories of O’Brien, I think he is purposely picking the ones that are most meaningful, and impacted him the most. One example would be the character Azar, he killed a puppy that Ted adopted, and furthermore, he made the argument that his youngness and immortality caused him to do such a thing. Interestingly, in a philosophical sense, if one is immature, he would not notice that he is immature, in fact, he would be confused with the question of what did I do that made all others think that I am Immature? I think in this piece “Spin”, the difference of this piece compare to others, was that this piece actually gave the readers more insights of O’Brien’s life; Kathleen, the daughter of O’Brien, was concerned that his father became too obsess with writing stories about war, instead, she suggest that he sould write something else. However, O’Brien did not stop, I think the intention of O’Brien for writing about war story was he wanted people to understand and appreciate how they got here, especially his own daughter, not in a sense that he wanted his daughter to praise him for what he did for her, but in a sense that O’Brien himself is using this way to express his love to his daughter.